While women don’t have psychic powers, to many men it can seem as if they know what’s going on with you without even asking?
And when you start dating again after a divorce the last thing you want is for any hardship and negativity you’ve been going through to be the first thing your date sees.
So what causes this phenomenon, and what can you do about it? Manj Weerasekera, The Fresh Start Guy, has some advice:
Microexpressions are small, nearly invisible expressions that flash over our faces involuntarily, often revealing exactly what’s going on in our heads without our permission.
Try as we might, there’s just no way to hide microexpressions. High-stress situations (like a first date for some men) can actually trigger them, and trying to conceal them often makes it worse. Because they happen so quickly — between 1/25th and 1/15th of a second — there’s simply no way we can maintain control of our expressions entirely.
Think of it this way: Even if you’ve convinced yourself to look happy and attentive during a date, just one distraction can throw you off guard and reveal emotions you’re not prepared to share. Five out of six of the ‘universal’ emotions — disgust, anger, fear, sadness, happiness, and surprise — are, frankly, not ideal first date material.
So how can you avoid letting microexpressions sabotage your date and prevent you from making a great first impression?
The answer is simple: Change your thoughts, not your expression.
Our brains and facial expressions are intimately connected. So if you want to come across as your best self with a potential future Mrs. Right, Manj Weerasekera suggests we try the following:
1) Set a positive outcome. Decide beforehand how you would like to be perceived and what impression you wish to make.
2) Press the pause button on your worries. They will still be there after your date. If you can completely let go of your burdens for just a few hours, it will show and you will make a far better impression.
3) Watch your body language. Unlike microexpressions, you can control how you position your body relative to your date. For example, uncross your arms and turn towards her to look open and attentive.
4) Radiate warmth. This is a very simple one. Make eye contact with her with a gentle gaze and remember to smile!
5) Stay in the present moment. When you’re with a potential new life partner, keep bringing your full attention back to the ‘here and now’. Why be having a relationship with thoughts from your past, when you could be focusing on starting a relationship with someone who could be part of a new and happy future?
By changing what’s going on in your head, you can change what people see going on in your face – so the first thing a new dates sees won’t be your nervousness, or your work stress, or your upset from a previous relationship. Instead she will see you at your best; relaxed, confident and in control.
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This Guide is supported by Relate and is packed with help and advice to help you with existing relationships and forming new ones.
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