When I am an old woman I shall wear purple with a red hat that doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
This is a part of a famous poem that describes many of us. To my daughter’s horror I do all these things, and more!
Well alright I don’t like Brandy, I am really a G & T fan and I wouldn’t wear satin sandals, but apart from these I shall do all of these things and more. As you can see I have already started with the purple outfit with a red hat I found in the attic. I wore them on a visit to my daughter and she could hardly bear to let me into her house. She whispered in my ear “PLEASE take that hat off mother”.
But I am desperate to be a granny and I can’t wait until their parents are certain I can be trusted to look after their offspring while they swan off for a much need holiday. There is a list on the fridge of things that we should do and don’t while they are away.
As soon as they have gone we will make our own list. When my grandchildren are old enough we will go and play in the park – go on the swings, slides and roundabouts at full pelt. I shall probably do all these things with them and would encourage them to go faster or higher and ignore the absurd laws of Health and Safety. If any of the park keepers come along we will be in full flight. They won’t catch us because we will be running away to find something that has also been banned.
We will giggle together as we break every rule on the list. I am happy to resort to childhood and can give as well as I get in a pillow fight. If there is a banister Granny will be the first one to slide down them closely followed by laughing children.
We can change and then start some indoor games. Hide and Seek is always a hit along with a game of Twister. I oversee because my old limbs won’t withstand the ridiculous positions necessary. An eccentric granny will be the one that can indulge them, as long as what we do is neither dangerous nor illegal.
The Department of Health and Safety might be absolutely horrified by our games in the park – what we get up to in the garden is a secret and would be frowned on by their parents.
If it rains we run out to jump in puddles making a glorious mess of our clothes. We will change into dry clothes and play games that most children have never heard of so I will go into the attic and take various games that their parents played when they were young.
Monopoly is never a good idea, it always ends in tears and tantrums, but as long as everyone promises to play it properly I give in. We shall build tents draping sheets over armchairs and sofas and pretend to be Indians in their tepees although even I think that a fire in the lounge might be pushing it!
When I was a child there were no computers, iPads or mobile telephones. I hate them all. What happened to families sitting down for supper discussing what they all did that day? All right I am talking about young children, but when the hormones kick in teenagers are a different breed and spend their time texting or playing games on their mobiles.
They have to be handled with a steel fist in a gloved hand. Mind you I can make them boggled at the tales of things I did when I was young and am always asking advice on clothes, boyfriends etc. I will be happy to guide them through their problems.
Childhood is a precious time and it should not be fashioned by the latest electronic fad. As Oscar Wilde so famously said “Youth is wasted on the young”.Those blissful days seem to be over but what happened to the old fashioned games that we used to play?
I would love to capture my youth again, would you?
And if any of you can give me any tips about games from your childhood that can be played, without resorting to arguments or drawing blood, I would be glad if you could share them with me.
Of course I am just a Granny in waiting, but I intend to keep a list of things of things we are not allowed to do so when the children appear. I shall have many more wild and wonderful games tucked up my sleeve so we can indulge ourselves in all of them. And before their parents come home we will throw out the MacDonalds boxes and the pizza ones too. And we shall put away the videos only to be seen by children over the age of 18.
I do monitor them and not allow ones that I deem to be unsuitable. They loved them all and will love being in on a secret. We will pick up all the Lego and run a Hoover quickly around the house.
We shall be united in not saying to their parents what we got up to in case I am never going to be in charge of their precious children again. Of course there will be the other granny who will be the sensible one and follow the instructions on the fridge. But I hope that they will have more fun with the eccentric granny.
I am already drawing up a plan which will be full of fun and laughter. I can’t wait to be a granny so watch this space!
By Jane Buckle