Technology means one thing to one person and something completely different from someone else.
For our purposes, the word “technology” describes not only applied science but is related to the word “technique”. This merely means the “way we do things”.
So let’s make the way we do things stick in people’s minds and memory.
We are butterflies emerging from the chrysalis of life. Statistically, we are on the upward slope of the u-shaped curve. This means we are born happy, descend to despondency in middle age and then rise to new heights of happiness in later life.
So, spread your wings and spread the message. Shed the layers of acquired inhibition. We used to say “let it all hang out”. Whatever this meant at the time might still apply but now in increased proportions.
Well then, kick up a stink. Make a fuss. Throw away your walking sticks. Pensioner’s protest!
Stand up and be counted…..if you can. Get noticed. Make sculpture from your Zimmer frames. Short circuit the batteries from your hearing aid and create an explosion. Remove the aid from your ears first.
Don’t accept your hearing aid in a bog standard flesh pink hue. Ask for metallic blue or purchase a hard shell. Don’t let others tell you what to do! Tell them dirty jokes. Invent new swearwords. Cultivate a reputation.
Throttle your enemies with a crepe bandage. (Don’t mistake “enemies” for an enema). Wear purple plus red, orange and yellow. Ignore colour matching. Aim to clash. Assault the retina.
Challenge the stereotypes and accepted notions of someone in later life. Use technology in a way that was not intended. And another thing….don’t think you can avoid it just by being a member of the opposite sex. Remember equality and equal opportunity?
With every new digital device invented, senior people can create havoc. Use pea’s (personal electronic appliances) with glee.
Imagination is the key. Just make sure that when credit expires that you can top-up after spending on cod liver oil and varicose vein support stockings. Note the stockings might well be purchased tie-dyed by computer mail order otherwise known as PayPal.
Concerning digital devices, computers and the Internet we are known as “Silver Surfers”.
Personally I favour “Silver Streakers”. Take off your clothes and live.
If not too late, discover the differences between a prosthetic, a prophylactic and a proposition. Please don’t confuse.
I say these things because I’ve always been a bit of a rebel. Anti-establishment, trouble-maker or whistle-blower. Call it what you like. If you haven’t done so already, make your mark on society. Use an aerosol paint spray or a felt tip pen. Be a senior hooligan! You know it makes sense.
Take up an interest such as heavy metal music if not already. Well, I don’t know what you get up to in your private life. My son introduced me to this charming musical genre. I recommend Nine Inch Nails.
So invigorating and so much fun.
Indulge in body piercing or make an appointment to be tattooed although both are now very old-fashioned. With our vast experience of life we can take it further. Go for the max!
Check out high-end technological beauty treatments for both male and female. What about the one where tiny fish nibble your feet while you paddle in a bucket? Might be nice. Hardly ecological but it’s different. Just don’t drop your baguette or pannini crumbs in the water.
By now you might imagine losing friends, family and relatives. Rectify by whispering sweet words of love to loved ones. Mobile telephones can be set to low volume and to whisper.
Choose the voice of John Wayne or Marilyn Monroe or even an original romantic quote by your fave poet. Try the punk poet John Cooper Clarke with “I Want to be Your Vacuum Cleaner”.
Don’t only rattle a stick on the railings as the poem says, go further and be a total embarrassment! Be careful of spitting. There is now a law.
Many of us come from the time of home-made entertainment. This is when we made our own fun and recreation. Resurrect those times and modernise those activities.
Use a loudhailer to make your point. Fit new batteries. Forget Leclanche cells. Forget accumulators. Now it’s an NiMH Nickel Metal Hydride battery for those in the know. Do remember a megaphone and an ear trumpet is so yesterday.
Attend demonstrations. Stamp and shout. Mind your new hip joint. Wave a flag. A black flag. See you there!
Rebelliously yours David H E Coles
