Caroline Tidman reviews “It Wasn’t Me” by Shirley Ashman

This true story simply told documents Shirley’s own father’s decline as vascular dementia sets in. Tragic and comic in turns and narrated in a very immediate way as a diary spanning 15 months, the book charts the daily ups and downs of two lives - those of Shirleys’s Dad and of Shirley, his carer.

Dementia is often as traumatic, if not more so, for the carer than for the patient, and Shirley’s own physical and mental exhaustion are honestly portrayed , as is the extent and speed of her father’s deterioration. Avoiding confrontations, keeping a faith and a sense of humour in the face of daily problems is a tall order, but Shirley seems to have managed it!

Obviously Shirley’s firm faith helped her enormously and is a strong support running through the book, but equally for those without a faith the story will offer help, practical support and suggestions.

For instance the detailing of her dealings with solicitors to get power of attorney to take over her father’s financial affairs, the setting up of regular Day Centre visits, Meals on Wheels, and a myriad other negotiations with the DSS, health and social services - all this information could be useful to other carers, as well as critical areas such as managing anger.

On another level the diary is a moving account of the father - daughter relationship, and of the distress and heart-searching experienced by a family when one of its members has to leave their own home and go into care. You’ll find plenty of information about how to help dementia sufferers and also help them - and just as importantly, yourself, feel less isolated.

Available from www.amazon.co.uk

Relevant links

• Scotforth Books (Opens a new window)