Just how dumb can people be?
30/01/2008
Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party?
Weakest Link contestant: The Conservative Party.
The Durham & Northumberland Retired Members' Association (NASUWT) manage to keep their members laughing - and informed - with their quarterly magazine - and they have been kind enough to allow us to share their humour with you here.
NASUWT has some 300 members, and their catchment area stretches from Berwick to the border with Teesside. They have an outing twice a month - the first for a bar meal, and the second is a visit to somewhere of interest. The quarterly magazine appears in January, April July and October, and they rely on articles from members and papers like the Mature Times!
To find out more call Fred Alderson on 01325 313913, or visit the link below.
In the meantime, do enjoy these real life comments from contestants in a variety of Quiz Shows ...
ITV's Family Fortunes:
1) Something a blind man might use? - A Sword
2) A song with the word Moon in the title? - Blue Suede Moon
3) Name the capital of France? - F
4) Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell
5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar
6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital
7) What is Hitler's first name? – Heil
8) A famous Scotsman? - Jock
9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde
10) A dangerous race? - The Arabs
11) Something that floats in a bath? - Water
12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? - A horse
13) Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair
14) A famous Royal? - Mail
15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? - A bicycle with wings
16) A famous bridge? - The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
17) Something a cat does? - Goes to the toilet
18) Something you do in the bathroom? - Decorate
19) A method of securing your home? - Put the kettle on
20) Something associated with pigs? - The Police
21) A sign of the Zodiac? - April
22) Something people might be allergic to? - Skiing
23) Something you do before you go to bed? - Sleep
24) Something you put on walls? - A roof
25) Something slippery? - A conman
26) A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish
27) A jacket potato topping? - Jam
28) A food that can be brown or white? - A potato
29) Something sold by gypsies? - Bananas
30) Something red? - My sweater
GWR FM (Bristol)
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.
RTE Radio 2FM (IRELAND)
Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The ....?
Caller: Mohicans.
Quizmania
Greg Scott: We're looking for a word that goes in front of 'clock'.
Contestant: Grandfather.
Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.
Contestant: Panda.
Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'.
Contestant: Doctor.
Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango.
Contestant: Oh, right . . .. (pause) . . . Doctor.
Phil Wood Show (BBC Radio Manchester)
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?
Richard and Judy Show
Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.
Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er . . ..
Leslie: He makes bread . . .
Contestant: Er . . .
Leslie: He makes cakes . . .
Contestant: Kipling Street?
Late Show (BBC Midlands)
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is
the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.
University Challenge
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: Er ... no. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
The Weakest Link (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.
Beacon Radio (Wolverhampton)
DJ Mark: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
Rock FM (Preston)
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Magic 52 (Northeast England)
Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
Contestant: Erm . . .
Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
Contestant: 1965?
Fort Boyard (Challenge TV)
Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED and PIT.
Team: Chedpit.
Lincolnshire FM phone-in
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
Danny Kelly Show (Radio WM)
Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue.
Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?
Contestant: Cartons?
Beg Borrow or Steal (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.
BBC Norfolk
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?