Boost your sex life in middle age - naturally
28/01/2008
Mid-life can often see sex lives go into crisis: your libido may wane, sex can be painful - or you may just not 'feel like it' any more. But before you start to think that this is something peculiar to you rest assured you are far from alone. Recent research carried out by the American Medical Association showed that 45% (equivalent to 40 million) women in the US felt their sex life had reduced since the menopause.
Menopausal symptoms such as vaginal dryness, tiredness, mood swings and night flushes can put a damper on the sexiest relationships. But the good news is this is not the grand finale. There is plenty you can do to rekindle that passion as well as helping to make sex more comfortable again.
Diet
What you eat can affect your sex drive and emotional responses. The best diet for sex is healthy and varied - a nutrient-dense, isoflavone-rich diet will help to keep you on an even keel emotionally. For special moments try a love picnic: strawberries and oysters, champagne and chocolate are all great aphrodisiacs. Otherwise known as the 'fruit of Venus' (god of love), strawberries are often used in erotic literature to initiate sex.
Keep talking
Expecting your partner to understand what is going on without you explaining is an easy trap to fall into and can quickly put a distance between you. Don’t be embarrassed about talking him through the changes that are happening to your body, then ask for his support.
Experiment
If sexual penetration is really painful, explore other avenues of giving each other pleasure. Go back to your courting days and indulge in plenty of foreplay. There is no need to shy away from using a lubricant. The important thing is that you continue to communicate physically and emotionally.
Use supplements
There are several specific supplements that have been shown in clinical trials to help boost libido and repair dry vaginal tissue. Try Omega-7 (Sea Buckthorn Oil) and Phyto Soya Gel.
Laughter - the best medicine
Don’t let life become too serious. Laughter’s a great turn-on. Tickle his feet, steel his shoes, watch comedy films together, laugh at his jokes and boost his libido and ego. And keep your language positive. Say ‘I think I’d get really turned on if we kissed for longer’ not ‘You don’t kiss me enough’.
Combat stress
If there’s a competition between your stress and sex hormones, stress will always win. Ginseng may help strengthen your system if you suspect stress is dampening down your sex drive. The herb Ginkgo biloba improves blood flow to the extremities, which may help circulation in the genitals - which, in turn, could increase physical responsiveness and sensation. Herbal aphrodisiacs such as muira puama can help fire up passion within. Derived from the roots and leaves of a Brazilian tree known as potency wood, this is thought to affect the brain chemicals, which stimulate nerve endings in the genitals.
Get out of the rut
If your sex life is predictable, it’s time to ring the changes. Routine is the enemy of libido. Make it a rule that every time you make love you do something different, however small. That way each time there will be something unexpected to look forward to. Alternatively, make love in the morning or afternoon away from the bedroom. Who says you have to do it in bed at night?
Flirt
Nothing gets the libido going like an evening of compliments, lingering looks, and sexual frisson. Just because you’re in a relationship don’t give up playing the flirt. Dress to impress like you did when you were dating, buy flowers and little gifts, send suggestive emails, make each other feel special.
Fantasise
Just thinking about sex every day helps keep desire alive. Boost your libido by thinking about the last sex you had together, and thinking about how it might be for you both next time. Play out some of your fantasies, keep others in the imagination.
Be loving
An affectionate hug, kiss or hand squeeze at the right time can work wonders. An arm around the shoulder or holding of hands can mean much more than you think.
Listen
Talk to each other and listen to what the other has to say without butting in. Showing that you care and value each other's opinions can draw you together and increase feelings of desire.
Remember
Couples who keep dating keep mating. Make time to revisit the place where you first met and go back to all your old haunts to bring back memories of the first heady days of your romance.
For more ideas visit Maryon's website, which is linked below.