New year - new divorce for the over-50s?
04/01/2008
Britain's over-50s are the fastest growing sector of the population to get divorced, despite the overall drop in the divorce rate to its lowest level for nearly thirty years. But why?
Marilyn Stowe of Stowe Family Law, has seen the number of older people seeking her legal help with divorces rise steadily - and has strong views on the subject. “Sometimes you have one person looking forward to retirement," said Marilyn "with the other other person also looking forward to retirement - but with someone else or on their own. They feel they have done their duty and want to move on."
Other contributory factors also include the fact that the children have grown up and gone, the mortgage is paid off, and they are looking forward to a long and happy retirement - apart.
Continues Marilyn: “It can be tragic for the person who is left behind as they miss the companionship, their social life may suffer and it is difficult getting used to being alone. Divorce is like a bereavement, but in a way it is worse because your partner is still there. And grown-up children also find it difficult, tending to be more judgmental and siding with one person. But people feel that they only have one life and they have got to make the most of it.”
It's usually an accepted fact that divorce rates are at their peak after Christmas and the New Year - often because family tensions get ratcheted up, and few people (especially wives) welcome all the extra work involved entertaining the family and in-laws.
But, says Marilyn, it's not as simple as all that: "My clients do not suddenly decide to split from their partners because they have had a row about their relatives’ behaviour the day before. Instead, a decision to divorce tends to come over a period of time. However, Christmas can bring home the need to do something about a boring or unhappy marriage - a longing to be with someone else, or an inability to face the prospect of years to come wedged fast in the same dull routine with the same person.
"Whilst married life can be pleasant to some, to others it is daily boredom and frustration and it is exacerbated by the increased pressures over the festive season, and the need to put on an act that all is well."
Another increase in older divorce may also be that older couples are also the least likely to go for relationship counselling - possibly because they are uncomfortable discussing their feelings and the problems there may be in the marriage, and so turn to divorce rather than counselling.
Additionally, a lot of older women who have spent their lives bringing up children, suddenly find a new lease of life with an fulfilling and interesting job, and seek more independence for themselves. They want to put their own needs first - not those of a husband or children.
Your views and experiences? Email editorial@maturetimes.co.uk