Picture the scene: your eleven month and twenty-nine day old television breaks moments from the end of the guarantee, you scrabble through a file of papers to find the customer service number and are mightily pleased when you find you had actually filed it under “G” for “guarantee”, having first looked in “T” for “television”, “E” for “entertainment” and “W" for “where is the bloody thing”.

The hard part done, you pick up the phone and dial.

For Andrew John and Stephen Blake this is when the real fun begins.  First, it's the seemingly endless menu. “You have six options.” You select one. “You now have eight more options.” You swear under your breath and select one. “Please select from the following five options.” You swear some more, louder this time, jump up and down a bit, then select an option. “If your mother has a maiden name, please select 1.”

Despair begins to darken your very soul. You hang up, take a deep breath, count to ten and throw the phone out of the nearest open window.

Are You a Miserable Old Git? waxes lyrical on the subjects that turn even those with the sunniest natures into a cantankerous so and so. Topics include: shopping, maps, mobile madness, tractor tedium, transport blues and political correctness gone mad - for example, “A man working for a transport firm had been told he couldn't use the term 'dipstick', but had to say 'oil level indicator'”.

Featuring quotes from the grouchy legends that every cynical curmudgeon should revere, including Winston Churchill, WC Fields, Bob Geldof, Victor Meldrew and Eeyore the donkey, Are You A Miserable Old Git? celebrates your right to complain about anything, no matter how old you are.

Published by Michael O'MaraBooks, priced £9.99.