Don't ring us...
By Tony Watts - Editor - 16/06/2007
You’re sitting down, meal on lap, nice glass of wine by your side, about to watch your favourite programme and the ‘phone goes. No ifs or buts. It’s a statistical certainty, as inevitable as the doorbell going just as you slide down into a nice hot bath.
You struggle out of your seat, spilling your food and drink in the process and make your way to the ‘phone. You’d let it ring but there’s always a chance that it’s someone you know who’s been poorly lately, or an offspring in dire need. You pick it up to hear a tell-tale whirring noise of your call being picked up by… yes… an Indian call centre.
“Mr Vats?” Sigh. Sometimes there’s a variation: “Mr Anthony?” I try to be polite.
Really I do. But when you have patiently explained to someone that everyone in the house already has a mobile phone and, honestly, having only one mouth, we can only use one at a time, they carry on regardless as if your first answer didn’t happen.
“Yes, but Mr Vats, don’t you want to save money?” Well yes I do, but the last time I ordered a phone through a call centre (I was young and naïve at the time) it cost me an absolute fortune. In fact I’m still arguing with them over bills sent to me after the contract ended and the phone wasn’t even working. Say no one day and they come back again next day, like moles in your lawn.
My wife came up with a brilliant solution: “That’s really kind of you to offer to save me all this money, thank you so much, but I do have to go now.” This allows you to be polite but effective. But even that technique is not infallible as she found the other evening. “But I do have to go…” she said, when the indefatigable caller then came back with: “Listen, old lady.. what I am…etc.”
As my wife was rendered speechless by this, our caller got in another sales point or two before she drew breath and told him that calling her “old lady” was unacceptable. Did it stop him? Not in the least. She was called “old lady” another twice before her patience snapped and she put the phone down.
Perhaps it’s just a cultural divide. Perhaps to him “old lady” is a complimentary salutation. But just how much training did he receive?
To stop calls you can register for free with the Telephone Preference Service – call them on 0845 070 0707. Sadly I managed (don’t ask me how) to register with another service which charged me for the privilege and did a rubbish job. TPS is free and, although not fallible (some of the call centres are simply unscrupulous) it will reduce the frequency of the calls.
But there’s a bigger point here. Why have so many banks, direct sales companies and service businesses switched from UK call centres to overseas ones? It’s nothing to do with prejudice when I say that if I want to talk about something as personal as my bank account or as complicated as a computer, I want to have clear lines of communication with someone at the other end. All too frequently I really cannot understand what they say, nor they I.
I’ve had mutually incoherent conversations with people with very strong regional accents and the same argument applies.
The other evening one of our daughters took the call. “Oh please don’t call us again, call centre,” she moaned. “You’re ruining our lives and driving all my family to suicide,” adding a few convincing sobs and wailing sounds for good measure.
Perhaps it was just a coincidence, but we haven’t had a call from India since then.