Take your rightful place in society!

25/05/2005

Daunted by younger people? It’s understandable. But us “oldies” should reflect on two important and current issues. For the first time since records began, there are now more people in Britain over the age of 60 than there are 16 year olds, and that numerically at least our opinions should count for something.

 

Second, and this is the emphasis of this article, a little more appreciation by “oldies” of the social aspects of communication could assist us in interaction with others, and help us appreciate the value of understanding non verbal signs and clues that accompany speech and communication.

 

In the supposedly people-centred 21st century, the needs of the elderly can easily be almost invisible. Agreed, most of us know not to let unauthorised persons into our home, but how many of us can read the body language of those with whom we interact?

 

It is not just older people in the UK who are unaware of the nuances of interaction. In some cases, as in that of American males in the Middle East, your life may depend upon it!

 

Aimlessly shuffling along may make you appear more more vulnerable than the vigorous step of self-confidence. I am well aware that many older people suffer from disabilities or impairment of faculties, thus it isn’t possible for all of us to do as I suggest. This said, most actions and communication patterns are culturally learned, and we should be more aware of this. If you can walk, try standing as straight as you can and walk as briskly as you can. The would-be handbag snatcher is seeking out the most vulnerable person.

 

Direct eye contact is often rewarding to the receiver. Think how annoyed you would get if the shop assistant or receptionist were to ignore you by denying eye contact. If you wish to retain friends and family, give sufficient eye contact in social communication even when your eyesight has deteriorated. Otherwise you may appear shifty or devious. This doesn’t mean you have to stare at someone, rather give enough eye contact to show interest. Recent American research indicates that those giving dishonest information, be it out of kindness, concern or dishonesty, give about one third of the eye contact of an honest person.

 

Direction of your gaze is almost as important. Research shows that if you want to show serious concern or communication you should focus your gaze on the listener’s forehead, be they your GP or bank manager.

 Imparting social or friendly information to another you should concentrate eye contact  below the eyes. You may be surprised how many people will respond with a smile, but beware gazing below the neck - which implies a sexual interest!

 

However old you are, try not to let standards slip when meeting new people. There is a deal of evidence that first impressions really do count, and that up to 90% of our eventual and lasting opinion of a new acquaintance is formed within the first 90 seconds.

 

Good listening is also very important, and this may be more difficult as we age. Nevertheless where I come from in the North of England we describe those who are obviously not listening as someone “whose mouth is worn out but whose ears are brand new”, so maybe you should have that hearing test! Even putting on your glasses can assist many older people, because without your specs you can no longer fill in a conversation with as many visual clues, such as the body stance of those you interact with.

 

Finally, tilt your head in conversation to indicate that you are actually listening and not totally bored... even if you are!