Grey and with child

28/11/2006

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting worried about all this talk of people having children into their 50s, 60s and even beyond.

Scientists are making it all possible and now the psychologists say there’s nothing to fret about. Older women can do it just as well as younger ones, they say, carefully omitting the impact on older men.

I think I can speak for most parents when I say that bringing up children is seriously hard work. I’ve heard various rumours that having them can be pretty exhausting too, but I must say I found my part in the proceedings enjoyable rather than enervating.  

What I could just about cope with in my 20s and 30s I’d find seriously hard labour today. Grandchildren are different. When you’ve run out of steam, patience, sweets, or all three, you can send them home again. Easy peasy.

It’s not so much the thought of sleepless nights and dirty nappies that turns me right off having another brood. It’s going through all the terrible teenage angst, tuneless music and rebellion which I’m glad to see the back of.

Not to mention having to walk ten yards behind them because you’re an embarrassment.

But there’s a serious social message behind my concerns.

You see all this talk of older parenting will only be the start, mark my words. Soon it won’t just be unusual to have a baby along with your first bus pass; it will be downright trendy. Madonna will lead the way, bored with her 282 adoptees, followed by all the Hollywood types like Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Anniston.

Then, at 82, Jane Fonda will follow suit “because she’s worth it”. And once it becomes fashionable, the pressure will really be on those of us who ARE’NT grey and with child.

You can hear the gossips already: “What do you think about about Mrs Slocombe at number 97. She’s 72 and she’s only had one baby since she turned 60. Do you think there’s something wrong with Mr Slocombe… nudge, nudge?”

Besides which, I’ve been looking forward for years to having a second childhood when I get older. I’ve got no plans to share it.

 

By Tony Watts